In case you don’t know, I go to the gym and exercise pretty frequently. Almost daily in fact, which is why a gym is such a commitment for me. And earlier this week, I informed LA Fitness that I wanted to no longer be a part of their gym.

I went to 2 specific locations frequently: South Plainfield (right near my apartment) and Parsippany (halfway between work & home). There was a 2-part process to my decision to leave.

The Catalyst

The whole reason behind me considering the jump to a new gym is because of my move. My new house isn’t in close proximity to a LA Fitness club.

However, I tried the approach of working out early (5 am early, woof) and driving to the Parsippany location or the Paramus location really close to work. The latter cost me an extra $1.50 in tolls.

But you don’t care all that much about my MacGyverism to get to the gym. You want the juice about LA Fitness and what teed me off enough to decide to call it a day.

The Dirty Truth

I’m going to let the text stand alone without images here because I want to ensure it gets read. But I’ll have bullet points to help reading the reasons behind my departure easier.

• Grimy: The dirty truth subhead is literal folks. Both South Plainfield and Parsippany had disgusting locker rooms from paper towels always littering the floors to actual dirt/grime/mildew/yucks all over the showers and the curtains.
• Sauna: One of the main reasons I chose LA Fitness is because of the sauna and I’ll admit that it worked most of the time with pleasure. There would be spells (I’d say 1-2x a month at South Plainfield) where the sauna would not function because of whatever electrical issue the sauna was having. The users are more to blame, but stricter rule reinforcement & making the rocks inaccessible to the public would do wonders.
• Jacuzzi: See Sauna above minus the users being more to blame. South Plainfield has that jacuzzi under wraps like every other month.
• Crippled Machines: I understand that machines break down once in a while. I think there’s at least one machine at each location that I deem as crippled since they’ve been broken for at least 3 months… as of my last visit, South Plainfield has a leg curl machine that’s been broken for close to a year. Just throw it in the damn trash.
• Lack of Supplies: You make certain assumptions about a gym when joining. Having no soap and/or no hot water is not okay (I’m talking to you Parsippany) and shows true mismanagement. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

LA Fitness, you were a good gym… but my needs are no longer being met. I spend too much time at the gym to be patient with these gross (literally and figuratively) oversights. I am trying out new gyms currently and will continue going to LA Fitness until my membership expires.

Business Card Count: 32,657

I’ve seen some unique business cards in my time, but this one may take the cake. My sister got this “business card” when she went to the Bahamas and wanted to get a taxi to the airport for the family’s flight home.

Miss Betty Higgs has an interesting tale for sure that reeks of the island lifestyle. From what I was told, Higgs told my sister that she’d be at her hotel at a certain time to drive to the airport. Higgs even called and confirmed the time and day… and she called the hotel room multiple times in a row to boot, which must have been a fun experience.

And then she never showed up. I guess being laid back and possibly very late might be something you’d expect in a laid back place like the Bahamas, but I’ve never been. I have been to St. Thomas and Antigua… no transportation issues there. But I digress.

I guess that’s what you get from someone who has the professionalism to make and cut a business card out of construction paper. I did that in kindergarten… the construction paper part, not the business card part. I also guess this is part of the reason taxi drivers don’t get their own business cards.

And tragically, I don’t think this technically counts as a business card, more of a note with Miss Betty Higgs’ professional info.

Business Card Count: 32,360

I went to Edison Nissan once before to fix my old car’s trunk door, which I blogged about here. This experience was equally as interesting, but in a bad way.

I spoke to Jennifer Reeves and things went typically went I got an oil change for my new car, which I’ve also blogged about. I was told the oil change would be a half hour, but it took an hour and a half. Yikes on the timing, but I did read a book and snagged some more business cards for my collection.

The most interesting thing took place after my service was done. I went outside to leave for the day and noticed something was missing: my special business card license plate holder.

Enraged, I asked where my license plate holder was and I was told by the “valet” that he took it off since their policy is to change the license plate holders & he couldn’t find me to ask my permission to take it off. So it was decided for me for it to be taken off.

What the fuck Edison Nissan? That is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard and I once heard a morbidly obese screaming turd family of 15. With the “we ask only if we can find you policy”, would they have made a $1000 repair if I didn’t consent and went to the bathroom?

Even though Jennifer Reeves was nice as can be, it still doesn’t take the bad taste out of my mouth from the “valet”. Dick move Edison Nissan. Dick move.

Business Card Count: 31,952

Black Friday is a hectic shopping day that I try to avoid. However, my laptop was broken physically. The programs and such still work, but I can’t use it for work.

So, I decided to get a new laptop on Black Friday and Staples had a good deal on a Toshiba (the brand I trust). I went to their South Plainfield NJ location to get it.

Things went relatively smooth at first. There was nobody there at 7 am (an hour after opening) and I met an Associate (not sure of his name because he didn’t have a tag on) who gave me the laptop I wanted for $399 (technically $449 with a $50 rebate). He also sold me on a 3-year warranty and Microsoft Office for $149 more.

But there was a catch I did not see. The Staples Associate did not tell me that this was for a 1-year subscription to Microsoft Office. I had no idea they did that for Office, especially when the guy told me that Office cost $150 by itself. To add insult to injury, he never gave me a Product Key to use, so I went back to Staples asking questions.

I eventually spoke with a manager, Nicole Egnezzo, about the issues I was having. Even though everything got resolved, it made the experience for me go from bad to worse.

When speaking with Nicole, I told her that I wanted the 2-year warranty instead and opt out of Microsoft Office since I didn’t want to pay for a subscription because of the language the original Associate used.

So, Egnezzo rang up the order again with the new warranty. Of course, she tried to ring up the Microsoft Office subscription as well and I told her to take it off. That got me from dissatisfied to angry… why would I get a lower warranty and buy Office separately when you had a better deal for a longer warranty with the Office subscription in the price?

To add further insult to injury, Nicole asked me if I was told about their rewards program. I said that I didn’t know… so she tried to sell me on that! Even if it’s a corporate mandate, why on Earth would you try to sell more crap to an already unhappy customer? Use your brain, not your script. I literally told her, “let’s get this order done and then I’m done.”

That’s right: the customer service I received at the Staples in South Plainfield inspired me to never shop at Staples again. I sincerely hope that I don’t need to use my warranty in the next 3 years (1 year manufacturer, 2 year Staples) since I don’t want to deal with them again. Ever.

Business Card Count: 31,668

I’ve encountered a lot of unique business cards in my time collecting them. However, the one thing that I need for the business card to be is a business card.

Not a photograph of a business card like the one that the All Natural N Beautiful Hair Studio in Plainfield NJ provided to me at my local grocery store. This logic baffles me… seriously, how is a photo better than a card?

Let me run down my logic:

• It’s more expensive to develop a camera than it is to print business cards.
• Business cards are less flimsy than pictures.
• Business cards are easier to put in a wallet or pocketbook than a picture.

I guess these hair stylists were smoking some $10 doobies when coming up with this brilliant marketing plan. Or did they have some undeveloped disposable cameras with film left and thought, “what the hell, let’s promote our business!” Not through taking pictures of hair styles done at the All Natural N Beautiful Hair Studio mind you, but by taking a photo of a business card.

Even if they printed it off the computer, the ink & paper are even more money! Although this didn’t count as a card for my collection, I still collected some other ones that do.

Business Card Count: 31,211

I’ve seen many clickbait articles on Facebook (and a few on Twitter, maybe one on Google+), but this might be the first time I’ve ever seen a clickbait business card. Usually, Buzzfeed or these other sites have catchy headlines (like 5 Ways Koalas Will Rule the World One Day) and a fun description (like #3 will blow your mind!).

This business card has the headline: Is Your Future Worth 5 Minutes? Even before going to Carol and Rick’s website, I knew the answer was no. Going to their website and seeing the message “A New Gold Rush Is Quietly Taking Place The 5 Minute Video Your Utility Company May Not Want You To See…” & a perfect beach paradise background confirmed this.

The source of this tomfoolery are Carol and Rick Reinecker, two Ambit Energy consultants trying to sell their wares. I’ve heard a lot about Ambit Energy being a scam & I’m sure it’s a pyramid scheme. The worst crime of all? The video automatically plays as soon as you go onto their site. Oooh, what a pet peeve of mine.

5 minutes… well spent? More like 5 seconds to click back & that’s only because I had to move my mouse. Sounds more like a bounce rate business card to me. Zing, SEO style.

Business Card Count: 30,974

It should be Business 101 to ensure that your company’s name is spelled properly. With some of the business cards I’ve collected over the year, that was not the case.

Just see the blog post I wrote about Joe’s Motorcycle Transport. It’s a rare occurrence, but here are a couple of more from over the years.

I got this business card a long time ago, as you can tell with the 516 area code for Suffolk County. Maybe you wouldn’t know Brightwaters Laundromat was in Suffolk since you’re not from Long Island and Brightwaters is a small village.

They spelled the name of the town they’re in correctly, so what went wrong with the business name? Hopefully they got it right when they changed the phone number to the 631 area code back in 1999.

I got this card more recently. Unless this nail salon and spa place is full of beaus, I assume the name is supposed to be Beautifully Yours Nail and Spa.

They wrote directions out for your convenience, which is a good thing. But I’d GPS it in case they got part of the directions spelled wrong. Like their address.

Keep checking back for more blog posts about my shenanigans & thoughts on things!

Business Card Count: 30,231